benefits of growing older

As the New Year reminds us of our gradually advancing age, let’s just consider the not inconsiderable, brighter side (with gratitude to Anthony):

  • In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first
  • It’s harder and harder for harassment charges to stick
  • Kidnappers are not very interested in you
  • No one expects you to run into a burning building
  • People call at 9 pm and ask, ‘Did I wake you?’
  • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac
  • There’s nothing left to learn the hard way
  • Things you buy now won’t wear out
  • You buy a compass for the dashboard of your car
  • You can eat dinner at 4 pm
  • You can’t remember the last time you laid on the floor to watch tv
  • You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations
  • You get into a heated argument about pension plans
  • You got cable for the weather channel
  • You have a party and the neighbours don’t even realise it
  • You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge
  • You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks in the room
  • You talk about ‘good grass’ and you’re referring to someone’s lawn
  • Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper
  • Your back goes out more than you do
  • Your eyes won’t get much worse
  • Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off
  • Your joints are more accurate than the Met Office
  • Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either
  • Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size
  • You enjoy lists like this