a diet of guilt?
Jan 1st, 2012

Amazing diet to add 5 pounds solid flesh in 1 week!

Amazing diet to add 5 pounds solid flesh in 1 week!

The National Obesity Forum and the International Chair on Cardiometabolic Risk have conducted a joint survey of more than 2,000 people which found that 42% of 18 to 24-year-olds would not tell a loved one they should lose weight out of reluctance to hurt the other person’s feelings. For those aged 25 to 44 it was just over a third, while for older people it was about one in four. Men find it hardest to tell their partners, while women were more worried about bringing up the issue with a friend.

Prof David Haslam, chair of the National Obesity Forum, is quoted as saying: ‘If someone close to you has a large waistline then, as long as you do it sensitively, discussing it with them now could help them avoid critical health risks later down the line and could even save their life.’

Dr Jean Pierre Despres, scientific director of the International Chair on Cardiometabolic Risk, agreed: ‘Start by encouraging someone close to you to make simple lifestyle changes such as becoming more active, making small alterations to their eating habits and replacing sugary drinks with water.’

The plate that nags you to diet.

The plate that nags you to diet.

Given that a certain level of fat accumulation around the waist and internal organs increases the statistical risk of diabetes, heart disease and stroke, this sounds very sensible indeed to me. At the same time, I must admit to a lot of scepticism.

Does exhortation to lose weight ever work? Whether it’s coming from another person or from inside our own head, are we really likely to comply, on a permanent basis? Now there’s even a Talking Plate that nags you to eat slowly! The outcome of most diets is to gain yet more weight, once the diet has ended. And the truth is, they always do end!

However, the good Prof Haslam did put in the proviso about discussing this issue ‘sensitively’ so on that ground alone it feels OK to me to give him a grain of publicity.

My own approach when working with people who consider their weight or fat to be a concern, is to emphasise learning trust in the self, using intuition about what is ‘good’ behaviour around food, listening to the body’s internal signals, discarding shame and replacing it with self-love – all of which, I’m sorry to say, takes time.


SIX TOP TIPS

  1. Take small pauses to listen to your body’s own signals.
  2. Eat when you’re actually hungry! Then stop when you’re not!
  3. Eat sitting down, calmly, in company.
  4. There are no forbidden foods (that ‘naughty but nice’ nonsense!)
  5. End the diet rollercoaster (drama but no fun!)
  6. Eat with pleasure and gusto!

Of course, in actual fact it saves time: it’s the diets that waste time! If you drop quick fixes and focus on finding a sustainable relationship with food and your body, you are likely to lose weight over a period of time and keep it off without worrying. This entails deep re-training of ourselves to differentiate between ‘comfort’ eating and ‘hunger’ eating. It also means tackling the guilt and shame head on, by ending the habits of eating in secret, or when distracted such as when driving in the car. It’s a process, I say again, that demands time and effort.

The 12-step programme of Overeaters Anonymous is worth a mention here as it suits many people. Again, it has a slow, steady approach – not shouting at people but supporting them! I’m not sure if the medical profession in its institutional form, say in the shape of the National Obesity Forum, is capable yet of finding the right tone in which to address all the people who feel distressed about their eating, and for whom food is not the unalloyed pleasure it should be. But then, do organisations composed of doctors know how to talk about pleasure?

lifespan integration
Mar 31st, 2011

Therapists increasingly recognize that talking about past abuse or neglect in therapy may not of itself help people to move beyond such experiences. I am always interested and excited by innovative techniques and approaches that come along, which aim at changing the self-destructive behaviour patterns that are often the mark of someone who has been abused or neglected.

One such method which I am now exploring is called Lifespan Integration. It is a gentle method which works on a deep neural level to change our self-attacking scripts, and people report that it has enabled them quite quickly to feel…

Read the rest of this entry »

two poems about love
Jan 18th, 2011

Opening Up My Heart To My Home
by Denise Dupont

Coming home.
Coming home to me.
This is the way I would like to be.
To walk in my home with love, integrity
Honour, respect for myself and respect for others.

Coming home to myself, means I take
Notice of me, my skin, my smell, my shape,
My hair, my sensuality and sexuality.
My dance and my love
My love for myself and my love for others

Coming home to myself is opening up my
Heart to the core of my existence
My essence, my beauty, my creativity
My soul and my roots.

Coming home is being able
to say to myself I LOVE YOU.

 

I Do Not Love You by Jeffery Lane

I do not love you because you are not good enough.

I do not love you because you do not deserve love.

My love is not something I will give you freely.

My love is something you must earn.

You want to know what you must do in order to be loved, and only I can tell you.

If I tell you what to do and you do it then you’ll expect me to love you.

So I won’t tell you what it is you must do, so you cannot do it.

Read the rest of this entry »

benefits of growing older
Jan 2nd, 2011

As the New Year reminds us of our gradually advancing age, let’s just consider the not inconsiderable, brighter side (with gratitude to Anthony):

  • In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first
  • It’s harder and harder for harassment charges to stick
  • Kidnappers are not very interested in you
  • No one expects you to run into a burning building
  • People call at 9 pm and ask, ‘Did I wake you?’
  • People no longer view you as a hypochondriac
  • There’s nothing left to learn the hard way
  • Things you buy now won’t wear out
  • Read the rest of this entry »

    if you could hear what i cannot say
    Dec 15th, 2010

    Becoming a mature, autonomous adult is a lot about taking responsibility for our feelings, and as a first step we need to get clearer about what our feelings are. This is a good tool. Start a diary, write in it these sentence stems, be as honest as you can and just see what emerges. A diary is a fantastic place to have a heart-to-heart conversation with yourself, a great chance to get burdens off your chest. And where the sentence or sentiment is addressed to another person, pick whoever seems appropriate. The sentence stems are adapted from Nathaniel Branden’s ‘If You Could Hear What I Cannot Say’.

    Allowing Others To See Me

    If I were willing to be vulnerable I might tell you…
    If I weren’t afraid of being condemned I might tell you…
    If I weren’t so scared I might tell you…

    Read the rest of this entry »

    the meaning of Xistence
    Dec 13th, 2010

    Everything except language
    knows the meaning of existence.
    Trees, plants, rivers, time
    know nothing else. They express it
    moment by moment as the universe.
    Even this fool of a body lives it in part
    and would have full dignity
    within it but for the
    ignorant freedom of my
    talking mind.

    with affectionate thanks to Jo Harvey


    psychotherapist Notting Hill psychotherapy London     contact     psychotherapist Notting Hill psychotherapy London     terms and conditions     psychotherapist Notting Hill psychotherapy London     code of practice     psychotherapist Notting Hill psychotherapy London     links     psychotherapist Notting Hill psychotherapy London     site map     psychotherapist Notting Hill psychotherapy London     log in

    Many of the paintings used on this site are taken from the work of Mark Rothko, born Marcus Rothkowitz in Russia in 1903 to a Lithuanian Jewish father and a Prussian Jewish mother. He worked with colour relationships to imbue his paintings with the tragedy of the human condition. He wrote, 'The most important tool the artist fashions through constant practice is faith in his ability to produce miracles when they are needed. [For the artist, the picture must be] as for anyone experiencing it later, a revelation, an unexpected and unprecedented resolution of an entirely familiar need.'